i already hear my dad disowning me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
love makes seman taste better
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
