Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
