id be glad to
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
