They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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