the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
