He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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