Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it penis luge time yet?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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