Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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