This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Someone shit on the floor
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
