you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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