clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
