she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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