nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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