I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
