im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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