She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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