I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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