Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
