I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
