I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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