I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
