yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
