Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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