Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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