haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
