We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
