Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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