Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
