doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
