I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
