Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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