he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
