Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize