that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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