We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
