I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have demons in me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I cut my penus on the lid.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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