I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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