Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
