I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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