So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
