Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
