Your mouth is God's brothel.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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