I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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