You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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