i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
