well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
