The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
