I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
