we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
