he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
