I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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