I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
