just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
