I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
