There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize