after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
