the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
