look no pants
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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