the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
