We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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