That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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