You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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