I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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