he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
