3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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