I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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