You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
