I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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