If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize