i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
did i walk over a car last night?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
